I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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