i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Congratulations! We have a period
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