I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
