i wish there were pregnant emoticons
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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