What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
