I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
