she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Randomize
