Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
