I'm jealous of your bromance
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
