Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
