I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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