You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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