Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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