Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
