Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
