You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
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I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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