I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
