He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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