how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
then he tried to convert me to islam
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
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