Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Randomize
