I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Randomize
