So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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