I just pynch a tree in the face
I can text with my tongue
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
