My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
