Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
