I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
