I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i dont even know how to be here
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
