I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
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