Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
