I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
This house was built for laser tag.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
