They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
