There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I think people are normalizing furries
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
