the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The feeling are messing with the penis
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
