I just pynch a tree in the face
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
