What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
