why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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