Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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