The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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