I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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