It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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