i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
