I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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