She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
What happened to fro yo and sex?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
