dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize