I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
