I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
