Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
