what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
