Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
