So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
