I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
