omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
