Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
