I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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