Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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