I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
