i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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