I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
