Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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