You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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