Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
