It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
