I could make wine with my vomit
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
