i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize