At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
