Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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