Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
His nipple licking is glorious
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