I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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