quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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