i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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