So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
zippers are such a cool invention
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
