Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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