so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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