just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
