your thong is hanging out like whoa
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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