I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
